Why don't I believe... does Lot's wife being a-salted have anything to do with it?

I have kind of been in a funk about my blogging lately. Here I am sitting at home all the time in the world and I can't get myself to write. Maybe it's because I can't get people to read the damn thing. I don't know, I think I'm funny. I think I offer some new perspectives on a lot of atheist arguments but I don't know how to grow my readership. I love to debate believers, but can't seem to get anyone to challenge me here.

Anyway, someone asked in an atheist vs. theist group I'm in today why we gave up religion, and even though I wrote a little bit about my deconversion in the about me section this kind of adds to what I wrote there and what think about the bible.

Anyway, this was the question as they asked it (I have not changed it, the bad grammar is theirs): Would you elaborate the reason of becoming an Atheist, other than never see God with naked eye? 

A lot of my fellow atheists stuck to a simple, no good evidence response. I wanted to give a little more than that.

Here is my response:
I objectively looked at the world around me and realized it in no way shape or form matched the bible. In fact, I was studying to become a minister at the time. I was in a class about the Pentateuch (first five books of the bible) when I realized it literally could not have happened.

The insane cruelty this god being exhibited both in his actions and his commands was a problem for anyone thinking this was a good or loving god, but these are unbelievable:

• Talking snakes
• Worldwide floods
• Giants 
• Women sleeping with angels creating giants  
• Towers that reached into Heaven
• God wrestling with Jacob
• God killing the firstborn of Egypt for his glory.
• Blood Sacrifice
• David cutting off the foreskins of 200 Philistines

• Samson's Hairy Strength

• Lot's wife getting salty (or maybe a-salted?)
• The sun standing still in the sky and not going down (the sun actually doesn't rise or set, we rotate on our axis while traveling around it. I'm no scientist but stopping the world from spinning would really mess up gravity)

... and about a million other stories that couldn't have happened all leading to the new testament.

The new testament:

• Written by unknown authors decades after the events in them were supposed to have happened
• With two different genealogies for Jesus both ending at Joseph (and apparently he had two different dads) and both going back to King David. (Luke's even goes all the way to Adam).
• Different last words for Jesus in each Gospel.
• The claim that prayer works when it verifiably doesn't (see more below).
• Jesus said his some of his disciples would still be alive on his return, they aren't.
• Dead Saints getting up and walking around when Jesus died, yet no other historians thought to mention that and it only appears in Matthew.
• And lastly.. for now... the unbelievable insanity of a god needing to sacrifice itself in order to forgive us for violating his dictates when he could just decide to forgive us.

Prayer doesn't work, even though the Bible assures us that "Ask and we shall receive", Christians had to change so their god answers prayer with a yes, no, or wait (Isn't that a cute cop-out?) Miracle healings never involve raising the dead or even regrowing limbs. 

It's not just Christianity either!
In hindsight, I wish I had also added that I find the Quran just as silly. To me the biggest differences in the Quran from the bible are in addition to a talking snake we have talking ants (that King Solomon can somehow understand -it's true, it's in there) and talking birds. Also, Muslim Satan is left-handed. Seriously, in my mind, that's about it. 

Ants talk in the Quran and can be heard 27:18-19

Anyway, this was mostly to force myself to start writing again. Hopefully, someday I can get people to read it. So if you like any of my blogs please share.

Tell me what your reasons for accepting or rejecting a god belief are in the comments, and please notice I said rejecting a god belief... I don't reject your god, I just don't believe in it.

Christianity is not a beautiful thing.you unworthy ass wretch!

My children were not born sinful, let's get that shit out of the way right now. Neither was I, and neither were you. There was no Garden of Eden, snakes don't talk to people, and fruit doesn't impart knowledge. There is no such thing as original sin.

In fact, there is no such thing as sin at all. There is good and there is bad and what is good and bad changes over time. For instance, we know slavery is bad. We came to this knowledge over time and as society advanced. I'm not going to get into the bible's clear endorsement of slavery in this blog (Exodus 21 among others), but it is a fact that our moral compass has changed and improved in this issue and many others since biblical times.

Sin is something else though, apart from good or bad. Sin is something we are born with, but at the same time, it is something we can acquire. 

We can acquire it by physically breaking any of literally hundreds of rules, but we can also acquire it just by thinking about breaking those rules. We can know we broke it, or we can be ignorant, but it still counts. At any time this god can decide that something else is a sin (things like taking a census or calling a man bald) and it still counts.

You are an evil sinning wretch, let's sing about it!

Sin is a way of convincing people that they are broken, worthless and even evil simply because they exist. Sin is meant to create a phony product called redemption, and all you have to do to get it is fervently believe in a magic man in the sky who loves you, but can't even be bothered to prove he really exists.

In fact, the Bible teaches that no man is sinless. So we have a god being who gave us this impossible to follow set of rules that guarantee we will become this worthless wretched thing. In other words, if he was real, he set us up to fail. We had no choice and no chance.

Redemption from sin is like an ad campaign for an invisible product created and perpetuated by the world's best bullshit artists whether you call them ministers, preachers, priests or televangelists.  The better these bullshit artists are at convincing you that you are a worthless heap of trash that their god watches over constantly and loves you infinitely, while at the same time he's willing to destroy us and/or punish us eternally the more they are able to sell the product. 

The top 8 preachers in this country are worth over $1 billion dollars!

The problem is this god creature if it was real, it's a monster in every sense of the word. Not only did it kill millions with floods, plagues, and supernatural shenanigans (like turning people into salt or sending she-bears to kill them) throughout the Old Testament in the New Testament it became somehow even worse while convincing it's adherents that it was being kinder and more loving. 

The worst part is that all of it is perpetuated on this horrible idea of sin and how this loving god needs or needed us to torture and kill something in order for him to forgive us for it. 

We literally can't be forgiven for naturally occurring evil inside us unless something dies!

Originally what died was animals, by the hundreds (there were grain offerings, but those didn't affect sin). People would have to bring only the completely unblemished animals to the priests who would perform ritual slaughter. Pour a little blood on an altar and then burn the sacrifice and whamo blamo your sins were forgiven. Then after you bought your redemption and went home the priests ate the barbecue. In the Old Testament through this wasn't done in the hope of getting into Heaven or avoiding Hell, at this time it was to avoid being wiped out by a god directly. This was to help you avoid plagues and sickness and as a people to avoid bigger problems like drought. In no way did these people seem to think that a sacrifice in this life bought you anything in the next life.

The New Testament with its new sacrifice changed all that. It somehow made it fucking worse!

Don't worry, you still get to be an unworthy evil piece of shit wretch though, and now you get the added bonus of being eligible for an eternity burning in Hell, you can also apparently eat shellfish and bacon though, so it's not all bad.

So about this time the Abrahamic god must have started looking around and realized that the other gods were starting to have afterlives for their followers (especially after that prick Dionysus) and he decided to get in on that action.

Dionysus was one of the first god beliefs to claim an afterlife

but he was mostly known for partying.

 He decided he'd go ahead and bring his believers up to Heaven when they died, and he would have the added bonus of getting them to sing his praises all the time and forever. That might also be just as good as the smell of burnt flesh.

He wanted to something different than the same old animal sacrifices (and the priests were getting tired of the blood since they could just take the money and buy some take out on the way home) But how would he get them up here? He could have decided to just forgive everyone and let them in, but where is the glory in that? You can't have glory without the gory!

So this god decided to send his son (who is also himself) to sacrifice himself for us by letting beat him bloody and nail him to a cross where he would slowly suffocate and die in excruciating pain (well, not really die since he came back to life a couple days later). Because of this horrific bloody gory dead, but not really dead sacrifice we don't have to slaughter other animals anymore.

Of course, symbolically we still need to support the bullshit artists, but we can do that with cold hard cash and by giving them tax-exempt status on their loot, and we also and most importantly have to accept that Jesus really did this for us and accept him into our hearts and you automatically get into Heaven no matter what shit you did before you gave your soul to Jesus.

If you don't accept that this really happened and you don't accept Jesus' love into your worthless sinning wretched evil piece of shit heart than you get to go to HELL and burn forever and ever for the crime of not believing in Jesus or accepting his sacrifice. Try to do good with your life, help others and forward humanity but fail to accept this sacrifice on nothing more than faith and reassurances of the bullshit artists, you are going straight to HELL.

In summary - you're an evil piece of shit and you're going to HELL, but we can sell you a loophole! Nothing beautiful or wonderful about that.

A Better Ten Commandments!

I'm taking this from another of my blogs because I really like these commandments and think they deserve their own blog entry. You can see the original blog post here.

It's pretty obvious that the bible is not a moral guide, no amount of pretending can change that fact. Only a couple of the actual Ten Commandments have anything to do with an actual moral code, and as many, many people have said all you would have to do is write "Don't fucking own people" and you will have created a more moral book than the Holy Bible.

This is what most consider to be the 10 Commandments

Thou shalt not lie, steal or kill are pretty much the only good ones.

The rest, I think we can pretty much do a lot better.

These are not the actual 10 according to the bible, more about that at the end...

With that in mind, I present my own 10 commandments. I find them much more moral, even if I use the word FUCK a lot!

I  AM THE LORD YOUR GOD...

...and These are my holy commandments and I expect you fucks to obey. Except maybe the first two, they were practice and got left in because I was feeling lazy and I really wanted there to be ten. Also, we aren't going to do the whole "Hell" thing (so I'm really not sure where that Satan dude lives) but you might have to answer to actual human authorities for being a dick, or maybe we will make you stand in a corner for a millennia or two. The point is fear my wrath asshole!

1.  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's fish even if it's Branzini which is really tasty.
2.  Thou shalt go to a doctor and get that thing looked at. 
3. Thou shalt not lie, cheat, steal, kill, rape or own other people as fucking property. 
4.  Thou shalt realize there is some leeway with those first four items for the safety, wellbeing, and health of yourself and others but rape and slavery are fucking no-goes all of the time... forever.
5.  Thou shall get your children fucking vaccinated and take them to the doctor or hospital when sick. I gave you the science, fucking use it. Also if you make fun of the Anti-vaxxers  but don't believe in climate change science, shut the hell up and respect the Earth anyway.
6.  Thou shalt be as kind as possible to animals, even the food ones for they sustain you, cause them no unnecessary pain. 
7.  Thou shalt be kind to your fellow man and to yourself and when you fail in this you will apologize to them (or yourself), not me! Then actually try not to do it again.
8.  There is no holy land anywhere ever and the only chosen people are the ones who are truly kind. At the same time treat the land as if it is holy, and no, that doesn't mean fight over it.
9.  Thou shalt leave people who are not harming you the fuck alone.  This includes LGBTQ people and people with different levels of melatonin in their skin and even people you just don't fucking like. Side note - this does not mean you have to respect their unproven or delusional beliefs.  It doesn't mean you can't call them out for crazy shit or stop them from hurting themself or others, you can do all that while still respecting them. 
10.  Don't be a dick. Also, it's okay to say fuck, I do it a lot.  It's just a word. 

Who was the better Moses? Tell me in the comments!

Oh, and what about those real 10 Commandments? Exodus 34 has the replacement set for the ones Moses smashed at Mt. Sinai.

Exodus 34:28 plainly states that these are The 10 Commandments. By the way, if it seems like there are more then 10, you are obviously mistaken. God can count to 10 better than you can!

The bible also claims these are exactly the same as the first... and of course, except for being nothing like the first set, they are exactly the same!

• Don't make treaties with people who believe in other gods.
• Conquer people who believe in other gods and destroy their religious property.
• Worship the god whose name is Jealous.
• Don't make any molten gods.
• Celebrate three feasts during the year: unleavened bread, the first harvest, and the last harvest.
• Every firstborn donkey shall be redeemed by sacrificing a lamb. If a firstborn donkey is not redeemed, break its neck.
• Don't appear before God empty.
• Don't work on the Sabbath. Keep the Sabbath day holy.
• Three times a year every male must appear before God.
• When you make blood sacrifices to God, don't include any leavened bread.
• Don't delay in offering your first fruits and liquors to God.
• Don't boil a young goat in its mother's milk.

What would your 10 commandments say? I bet we can all do better than the Abrahamic god.

Fat People Shouldn't be allowed to get married, they'll just live in sin together.

I am a fat guy! I am using the following post to make a point about the hypocrisy of the evangelical right. I am not bashing fat guys. With all the worrying about Gays getting married and trans-gendered people coming in and out of the wrong restroom causing such an uproar in the Christian community and the fact that punishment from God above is definitely about to seriously fuck us all up, I was wondering why God is so focused on the LGBT community.

Why does it bother God so much? Why do so many other sins seem to be okay now? I'm pretty sure you have been going into bathrooms with trans-gendered people without incident for years and years. All of us have.

Why are fat people given a pass? I'm a fat guy (right now at least. I lose, I gain, I can never stay thin) and so if I was a Christian I would have to wonder why God is giving me and so many others such a pass while being so angry at people for who they are attracted to or for not identifying with their birth gender.

Especially since the sin of Sodom was not homosexuality according to Ezekiel16:49 "this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."

Fullness of bread is just another way to say Gluttony. No mention of the gay sex though.... curious.

Gluttony is mentioned in the bible many times. In Proverbs, Deuteronomy, the Apostle Paul even calls it a disgrace in in 1st Corinthians 11:16. But Christians seem to have completely forgot about this sin.

These are preachers.

Role models for their congregations

But this isn't a problem for them.

God is apparently not concerned about these guys or the millions of gluttonous congregants in churches. Nor is he concerned about divorce, working on the Sabbath, not taking care of the poor or anything else proscribed by his holy book.

Even though Jesus never mentioned gay people even one time, and even though the admonitions against it come only from Moses and Paul it is obviously the most important fight there is for the Christian right.

So anyway... let's get back to gluttony. The bible says in Matthew 7 to cast the beam out of your own eye before casting the mote out of your brothers. Is that really what you Christians are doing here?

So why aren't we afraid of fat guys going into bathrooms and giving candy bars to our kids? Why are gluttonous people allowed to Preach? Why are they allowed to marry? I know my wife and I are gluttonous together. Quite often in fact. Why aren't you assholes with your smug sense of superiority and knowledge of exactly what your holy father wants picketing me? Why can a fat lady like the one above run rampant through a Target and cause trouble when the bible says to stone Gluttons in Deuteronomy 21?

I'm guessing its because you have a lot of fat people in your congregations, and divorced people, and lovers of money, and so many other things your book says are wrong. I'm betting it hits to close to home. You probably have fat family members and fat friends. You might even be fat yourself, or divorced, and you would never think about removing that plank from your own eye. Would you?

Where Giants Come From According To Genesis.

Since I was already discussing the flood and Noah in a previous blog, let's look again at the silliness of that theme. Do you know where Giants come from?

Jolly Green Giants? Who knows where they came from?

According to the bible. Genesis 6:4 Giants are the result of the Sons of God (I'll go ahead and assume we are not talking Jesus' literal brothers here) mating with human women. 

There is a strong case to be made that this was the entire reason for the flood in the story (since Genesis 6:4 happens right in the middle of the flood story). Maybe, it wasn't that mankind was wicked or evil. Maybe that was not the kind of corruption that Genesis was talking about. Maybe the reason for the flood was that God failed to control the penises of his angels and he doesn't like halfbreeds. 

Once again in the bible, we have an all-knowing God letting things happen that are apparently against his plan. Things an all-knowing god being should have known were going to happen before he ever created the planet. He couldn't stop the angel sex orgies so he decided to drown every living thing and start again.

According to some Angels don't even have the right junk!

Such this dickless angel from the movie Dogma!

According to some biblical scholars, angels do not even possess free will (which is of course instantly disproven by Satan's rebellion),  so why God couldn't keep them from fornicating worth human chicks is beyond me.  Also, we know from the story of Lot that wicked humans can not resist trying to rape angels.  So I guess unprotected angel sex is just something that happens in biblical times.

Boom Chicka bow wow...

What mortal woman could resist angel sex?

If this was the reason for the flood though it quickly becomes apparent that this was a major fail on God's part.

After flooding the world and killing every living thing (which was major overkill) he either missed a few spots or he did nothing at all to keep this corruption from happening again.

We know in the bible that the giants came back after the flood. David and Goliath (and Goliath's six brothers) are the most obvious example, but in the Exodus there are several tribes the Israelites fear because they have giants with them and King Og of Bashan was a giant whose bed was 13.5 feet long. So whatever God did to prevent a repeat didn't work. If the story was real he killed everything with absolutely no plan to make sure it didn't happen again. Everything dead, everything drowned, a few centuries pass and "BAM" we got giants again.

Goliath had to come from somewhere.

God did nothing to fix it.

Nothing at all.

The giants came back.

Not these giants.

More like these giants.

Did the omniscient God not know this would happen? Did an all-powerful God knowingly let it happen again right after killing everything? What was the point of it all anyway?

I mean really,  even if you don't believe in this giant nonsense what was the friggin point.  He killed everything and then did nothing to change things. It seems like those crazy angels were still sexing up human babes all over the place.

I guess he finally got it right since no evidence for giants exists.

This was 100% FAKE by the way!

Andre was an awesome giant - but he doesn't count!

Or maybe he was the result of angel sex too?

Noah's Ark Was Full Of Shit - Animal Shit that is!

This might be the shittiest thing you will ever hear about Noah's Ark.

There are literally hundreds of ways to prove that the story of Noah's Ark is bullshit. But, yet Young Earth Creationist, bible literallists, and the criminally insane rabid fundamentalists sincerely believe it. God's book said he did it, god's book claims it is true, so they gonna believe it. 

Stop looking at me, jackass!

Animals shit. That is a fact of nature. Some of them shit a lot. Many of us would argue that there had to be thousands of different types of animals on that ark, but some of the creationists like to get around the plethora of animals in existence by saying Noah only had to collect two of each kind (which isn't true, more on this later).

As in two generic elephants, not two Asian, two African etc. They justify this with Genesis 6:20 which says, "Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto theeto keep them alive." Based on this they claim the ark could have had as few as 1400 different kinds of animals on it. Ya know what, it's bullshit, but since this blog is about shit, we are going to go ahead and give them that one. We are going to base this blog on just 1400 kinds of animals (That's the exact number claimed on the Ark Encounter website).

SIDE NOTE -  By the way, Ken Ham's $100 MILLION DOLLAR Ark Encounter (that's what it cost to build) actually only has about 40 animal displays and of course, none of them are alive or require upkeep.

Fun Fact #1: it took $100 million to build this monstrosity using all kinds of modern tools and equipment, and hundreds of workers, when the same people building it believe it was built by a 600-year-old guy and his three sons.

Fun Fact #2: Hamm sold the land the park sits on, which is worth $48 million, to his non- profit for $10 dollars to avoid paying taxes on it. 

Genesis 6:21 says he brought food for all those animals, so we have to assume they ate during their journey (we won't worry about where all that food was stored though, several hundred pounds a day just for the elephants, but we will assume there was room). We can also assume that if they were eating they must have been pissing and shitting. Have you ever been to a pet store or the zoo? Have you ever had a pet hamster or mouse? Kitty litter box? Shit smells bad when it is fresh, but it becomes downright toxic when it gets old.

Now lets talk about the Ark itself. Ventilation? Genesis 6:16, "A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it." One window. That is all the ventilation our animals get.

ONLY ONE WINDOW!!!

The "real" boat didn't have these extra windows
Elephants(2) shit 300lbs. per day for about 600lbs

Rhinos(2) shit 50lbs. per day for about 100lbs.

Hippos(2) and Giraffes(2) 100lbs. each for about 400lbs.

Cows(2) and Pigs(2) 60lbs. each. each for about 240 lbs

Horses(2), sheep(2) and goats(2) 25lbs. for about 150lbs

Lions(2) and Tigers(2) and Bears(2) oh my, about 20lbs. of shit each for about 120lbs

That's 1410 pounds of shit per day with just 24 animals, and before you think I already named all the big ones, there are Water Buffalos, Komodo Dragons, Baboons, Koala Bears (they do not count as bears, that's just a name), Alligators, Crocodile, Chimpanzees, Deer, Moose, Ostriches, Wolverines, Badgers, Kangaroos, bigfoot, wookies… in other words a lot of really big friggin animals.

Disclaimer: I couldn't find a good source for animal shit statistics, so I googled until I found some for each animal.

Then there are small animals that can shit their body weight each day and bird shit.
Can you imagine all those birds shitting all over the ark?

By any conservative estimate you have to be looking at a couple tons of shit every single day, not too mention 100s of gallons of piss.

Shit contains methane. Methane is poisonous especially when concentrated. Piss becomes toxic ammonia as it decomposes. Eight people working 24 hours a day could not have kept shoveled 4 tons of shit and cleaned up all that piss.

Depending on how you read Genesis chapter 7 it either rained for seven days, or it rained for the entire 40 days. Either way, they could not open that window for at least 7 days. The build-up of gases would have been toxic long before that. But Genesis 7:24 says they were in that boat 150 days! (actually, gotta admit, I am stunned… I forgot that until I just reread it, 150 days! Rereading makes it clear, they were in the boat 7 days before the flood started, it rained 40 days and took 150 total days until the water receded. Anyone got a better explanation for the verses. Doesn't matter, they wouldn't have lasted a week in all that shit.)

So either Noah's ark was full of shit, or Noah's ark was FULL OF SHIT! Take your pick!

Final Thought: Of course, quite a few Christians don't believe the flood happened at all. Many consider it an allegory, or a parable of some kind or just a myth. I of course absolutely agree with them that a worldwide flood never happened. But here is the problem with that thinking.

Matthew and Luke both trace Jesus' genealogy back to at least King David (although they are both different and Luke traces all  Jesus all the way back to Adam), so uh'm if Noah didn't exist what does that do to Jesus?

The bible also makes it clear that Jesus believed in Noah. Matthew 24:37-39 "37 But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, 39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

If Jesus was related to Noah and taught that Noah was real than either the flood had to have happened or the New Testament is verifiably wrong!

---

Now add the fact that the creation museum is telling people that dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark and I don't even want to think about that shit!

I have no way of knowing if this particular shit is a realistic amount of dino shit

Lots of shit here - none of it good shit!

I wrote the original version of this blog on MySpace around 2004 - Last update was 2020. I've been talking shit about Noah for 14 years now! I've wasted too much time on this shit

Leave a comment if you noticed I added bigfoot and wookies to the list of animals.

Born Again Twice Fundamentalist Atheist

I consider myself to be a born again twice fundamentalist atheist. In my mind there are two general categories of Christian in this world (although their is a great deal of disagreement even between these two generalized groups). The first group believes every single word is 100% accurate and true. If the bible says it happened then it had to happen. The second group of Christians believe the bible is partially mythological in nature. They believe in the divinity of Jesus, but they might not believe in Adam or Noah.

The problem I have with the first group is that they have to believe some pretty ridiculous things. Like Balam's talking donkey and angles having sex with humans. They also have to believe God is a good and loving being in spite of doing horribly cruel and down right evil things to his creations. Things like killing 42 children for calling a man bald, or killing 70,000 innocent people because King David took a census, or even worse sending his own creations to burn in hell forever if they find they can't believe in a God who at one time could flood the world, but these days his best miracle is appearing on toast.

Talking Donkey - Good idea in Shrek, bad idea in a Holy Book

The problem with the second group is that the bible traces Jesus' lineage all the way back to Adam. Jesus himself makes references to Noah as if he was real. Some of these Christians even see Hell as a metaphor. They will happily tell you all about how God is love while dismissing all his evil and cruelty. They will cherry pick there way through the bible. The problem with this is that if part of the bible is untrue the entire book has to be cast in doubt.

In this blog I plan to write about the bible, Christianity, other holy book and religions in general. I will tell you why I no longer believe. I will not censor any ones comments but I will argue with you about them. I'll respect your right to an opinion, but I won't always respect the opinion itself.