There are literally hundreds of ways to prove that the story of Noah's Ark is bullshit. But, yet Young Earth Creationist, bible literallists, and the criminally insane rabid fundamentalists sincerely believe it. God's book said he did it, god's book claims it is true, so they gonna believe it.
Stop looking at me, jackass!
Animals shit. That is a fact of nature. Some of them shit a lot. Many of us would argue that there had to be thousands of different types of animals on that ark, but some of the creationists like to get around the plethora of animals in existence by saying Noah only had to collect two of each kind (which isn't true, more on this later).
As in two generic elephants, not two Asian, two African etc. They justify this with Genesis 6:20 which says, "Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto theeto keep them alive." Based on this they claim the ark could have had as few as 1400 different kinds of animals on it. Ya know what, it's bullshit, but since this blog is about shit, we are going to go ahead and give them that one. We are going to base this blog on just 1400 kinds of animals (That's the exact number claimed on the Ark Encounter website).
SIDE NOTE - By the way, Ken Ham's $100 MILLION DOLLAR Ark Encounter (that's what it cost to build) actually only has about 40 animal displays and of course, none of them are alive or require upkeep.
Fun Fact #1: it took $100 million to build this monstrosity using all kinds of modern tools and equipment, and hundreds of workers, when the same people building it believe it was built by a 600-year-old guy and his three sons.
Fun Fact #2: Hamm sold the land the park sits on, which is worth $48 million, to his non- profit for $10 dollars to avoid paying taxes on it.
As in two generic elephants, not two Asian, two African etc. They justify this with Genesis 6:20 which says, "Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto theeto keep them alive." Based on this they claim the ark could have had as few as 1400 different kinds of animals on it. Ya know what, it's bullshit, but since this blog is about shit, we are going to go ahead and give them that one. We are going to base this blog on just 1400 kinds of animals (That's the exact number claimed on the Ark Encounter website).
SIDE NOTE - By the way, Ken Ham's $100 MILLION DOLLAR Ark Encounter (that's what it cost to build) actually only has about 40 animal displays and of course, none of them are alive or require upkeep.
Fun Fact #2: Hamm sold the land the park sits on, which is worth $48 million, to his non- profit for $10 dollars to avoid paying taxes on it.
Genesis 6:21 says he brought food for all those animals, so we have to assume they ate during their journey (we won't worry about where all that food was stored though, several hundred pounds a day just for the elephants, but we will assume there was room). We can also assume that if they were eating they must have been pissing and shitting. Have you ever been to a pet store or the zoo? Have you ever had a pet hamster or mouse? Kitty litter box? Shit smells bad when it is fresh, but it becomes downright toxic when it gets old.
Now lets talk about the Ark itself. Ventilation? Genesis 6:16, "A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it." One window. That is all the ventilation our animals get.
ONLY ONE WINDOW!!!
Elephants(2) shit 300lbs. per day for about 600lbs
Rhinos(2) shit 50lbs. per day for about 100lbs.
Hippos(2) and Giraffes(2) 100lbs. each for about 400lbs.
Cows(2) and Pigs(2) 60lbs. each. each for about 240 lbs
Horses(2), sheep(2) and goats(2) 25lbs. for about 150lbs
Lions(2) and Tigers(2) and Bears(2) oh my, about 20lbs. of shit each for about 120lbs
That's 1410 pounds of shit per day with just 24 animals, and before you think I already named all the big ones, there are Water Buffalos, Komodo Dragons, Baboons, Koala Bears (they do not count as bears, that's just a name), Alligators, Crocodile, Chimpanzees, Deer, Moose, Ostriches, Wolverines, Badgers, Kangaroos, bigfoot, wookies… in other words a lot of really big friggin animals.
Disclaimer: I couldn't find a good source for animal shit statistics, so I googled until I found some for each animal.
Then there are small animals that can shit their body weight each day and bird shit.
Can you imagine all those birds shitting all over the ark?
By any conservative estimate you have to be looking at a couple tons of shit every single day, not too mention 100s of gallons of piss.
Shit contains methane. Methane is poisonous especially when concentrated. Piss becomes toxic ammonia as it decomposes. Eight people working 24 hours a day could not have kept shoveled 4 tons of shit and cleaned up all that piss.
Depending on how you read Genesis chapter 7 it either rained for seven days, or it rained for the entire 40 days. Either way, they could not open that window for at least 7 days. The build-up of gases would have been toxic long before that. But Genesis 7:24 says they were in that boat 150 days! (actually, gotta admit, I am stunned… I forgot that until I just reread it, 150 days! Rereading makes it clear, they were in the boat 7 days before the flood started, it rained 40 days and took 150 total days until the water receded. Anyone got a better explanation for the verses. Doesn't matter, they wouldn't have lasted a week in all that shit.)
So either Noah's ark was full of shit, or Noah's ark was FULL OF SHIT! Take your pick!
Final Thought: Of course, quite a few Christians don't believe the flood happened at all. Many consider it an allegory, or a parable of some kind or just a myth. I of course absolutely agree with them that a worldwide flood never happened. But here is the problem with that thinking.
Matthew and Luke both trace Jesus' genealogy back to at least King David (although they are both different and Luke traces all Jesus all the way back to Adam), so uh'm if Noah didn't exist what does that do to Jesus?
The bible also makes it clear that Jesus believed in Noah. Matthew 24:37-39 "37 But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. 38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, 39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
If Jesus was related to Noah and taught that Noah was real than either the flood had to have happened or the New Testament is verifiably wrong!
If Jesus was related to Noah and taught that Noah was real than either the flood had to have happened or the New Testament is verifiably wrong!
Now add the fact that the creation museum is telling people that dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark and I don't even want to think about that shit!
Lots of shit here - none of it good shit!
I wrote the original version of this blog on MySpace around 2004 - Last update was 2020. I've been talking shit about Noah for 14 years now! I've wasted too much time on this shit
Leave a comment if you noticed I added bigfoot and wookies to the list of animals.
Love this!
ReplyDeleteI even thought about that as a kid. How did they empty the bilge ?All the shit piss and rain water? What did they feed the bears lions and tigers ?They don't eat grass.
ReplyDelete